a miraculous moment (contiuation of sort of an update)

i was a bit nervous waiting to be seen by the same counsellor again. i tried to distract myself reading an interview with beautiful monica bellucci in a magazine and couldn't help but put it down after a few paragraphs, realising, 'so after all, i do feel nervous about this'.

and then i heard her voice. i didnt know that i'd remember her voice. getting more and more nervous.

she asked me to come thru. it was a very short sentence; didn't even have time to check if she had a friendly smile on her face.

i went into the room and sat down on the empty chair; the other one's got some papers on it. she started by asking me how i felt getting back here.

that was a good question.

the moment i entered the room and sat down, i felt incredibly vulnerable and sad. i felt wronged.

i replied that i felt like crying and soon after i did cry. i didn't at all anticipate that i would. i thought it would be about her explaining things that happened last time; in other words, 'straightening' them towards her favour.

but it was nothing like that. it was a miraculous moment where i actually opened up and simply became tearful- felt all my high demands and heavy burdens on myself were being seen and understood- i could just then be myself, without responsibility and obligations, without being ultra-intelligent, helpful, altruist or anything else. i was my tears.