gia

watched _gia_ while i really should've done some work. but it was such a compelling telefilm. so compelling.

i cried when gia saw linda for the last time- gia quickly left and the door closed abruptly after she repeated to linda that she had always been the only one in her heart (despite the fact that gia previously chose the drug over linda).

it also dawned on me towards the end of the film that i didn't remember seeing any representation of aids in movies after _Philadelphia_, and _Gia_ was the second one after _p_ in 1996(?)- how weird it was. (and things like _angels in america_ don't count; it's aids-related definitely, but it doesn't, in my opinion, get dirty with this disease.) it was so real too that gia's mother got scared at aids, and that gia was just left in a hotel room, as the hospital at that time couldn't do anything to aids, and so she was supposed to 'rot' by herself, waiting for 'the time' to come. . .

(seems to me hospital nowadays cannot do much either. patients are still left to live on their own and lead a life highly dependent on drugs)

what else is left there to be said? all the horrendous things that happened. it was sad and intense and realistic.

this does not come straight from the film but it's still part of it: i really feel distressed thinking about all the misery and terrible things that happen in the world, to people, to me and to others, and that how little i can do to make a change, though at the same time i do, however paradoxically, believe in myself and believe in what i can do if i try hard enough. films like this remind me of my optimism and cynicism at the same time.