draining. . .

blind certainty or arrogance; distance, or being embarrassed or restricted in the communications- any of these easily put me a bit on the defensive or guarded side when it comes to making a connection.

i've been avoiding or ignoring emotional appeals, curiosity, or face to face confrontation that might otherwise sway my thinking or actions, and meanwhile being stubbornly punctilious, discrete, or formal in conduct or discourse for the purpose of being correct. i keep on doing them, so that i can convince myself of the rightness of my motives, which has to be a logical or reasonable procedure for avoiding a repeat of past legitimate hurt, loss, complications, exposure, or else. but it takes a lot of effort and tension to maintain such a stance, stick to one story, or to keep my guard up, and therefore, it is only a temporary, albeit passive, measure.

but then stooping to tirades or other indiscriminate, promiscuous, or random measures are beneath me.