it hurts

it makes no sense to feel hurt, but it aches horribly.

i am usually quite good at preventing people/myself from feeling hurt, and quite capable of handling things in life to the extent of making sure everything is all right. but this is different. i can only choose to feel and be real.

but i am still the old me: preparing myself for _any_ choice that you might make eventually- as long as it's your choice. i always want to be ok with things. for some reason it's something i hold onto contantly as if it's the most important thing in the world.

while i will be ok if you leave me, i know that i cannot deny that i am a bit tired of all this.