death of my computer and ...

my laptop that had accompanied me for four years died last tuesday. i was devestated. immersed in pure sadness and felt as if i had lost everything. stared at the ceilling for more than half an hour, feeling miserable and nothing else. i texted s then, and went to sleep. next morning, i woke up without the motivation to start my day; couldn't get out of bed. lost the motivation to do ANYTHING.

i knew i would still go out and do the things i was then supposed to do. but i was so sad. i actually started to think about all the other things that i still had in my life, as a way to comfort myself, only to again feel the painful loss.

it was a loss no doubt. i felt an old friend has left me for good.

then i texted s again. she called me on the fixed phone. i told her all my feelings, and she asked me what i was going to do next. 'get a new computer;' i said, 'otherwise i cannot work on my thesis.' so she changed the subject and talked to me about HP computers recommended by her friend in the business.

for some reasons unknown to me then, i didn't find it annoying. on the contrary, i felt that i was taken care of. although she did not deal with my sorrows by directly comforting me with kind and soft words- all she did was talking about these various kinds of computers- i still felt taken care of. it was strange.

after talking to her, i felt much better. i went out as scheduled to meet the perspective student at the uni, took her to lunch and brought her to meet the director. the day just went by like that. s called me in between to talk to me about the laptop her friend and she have discussed and mutually agreed upon. she wanted to confirm with me and i obviously had no problem at all with whatsoever that cost less than £700. and then i got a bit worried, recalling our previous tension. i asked her what happens now with us in that aspect, and she replied that solving this computer problem was the most important thing to consider at the moment. i didn't argue, though not necessarily in line with this priority.


the next day

our monthly research meeting. after that i was supposed to meet adrian to make some kind of poster for a workshop. but then i went online and s was there. she called me on the office phone, and we eventually spent 6 hours on the phone that day. texted adrian to arrange to meet him tomorrow.

friday

went to a computer lab on campus to work on my presentations next week, which fell on the coming friday and saturday. i started to work around four in the afternoon, after finishing the simple and ugly poster by hand. then i saw s' message on my blog, went on MSN, and spent 2 hours chatting, 2 more texting.

i spent a bit more than one hour to sort out my presentations.