had my tap meeting the day before yesterday. after this whole time of being frustrated and preoccupied because of phd, i finally started to feel a bit back on track.
the-three-year thing does happen in a blink of the eye. i remember the first tap i had, where i felt overwhelmed by so many undecipherable codes behind what had been spoken in that meeting. i couldn't understand any of them at all, and yet i was told that i was fine, on the right track and just needed to keep on writing.
the truth was that they knew from the start what kind of phd student i was. i in that meeting appeared to be somebody full of ideas and sensitivity, but did not by instinct know how to structure things up. so they encouraged me to write as much as possible, and then they would push me to find a structure among most of the things i wrote. they thought that was how i worked. and now from the hindsight, after finally getting what they were saying to me in the very first tap, i guess they were not far wrong.
so this is the real part of this game: last 6 months for structuring and for proving my ability to keep a balance between endless ideas and a clear structure.
see the plural-vs.-single i just outlined? ideas vs. *a* structure.
am leaving this country to meet my lover and hopefully share some quality time together, while making progress on my phd of course.
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