amazing castle museum

spent several hours in castle museum and it was truly amazing. really wonderful experiences of standing/walking in the restored kirkgate/ victoria streets. i would love to go back there some other time, enjoying the nice experience of time travelling.

desire, flexility and distance

i read some old postings i'd done in 2003 and 2004 in chinese- the one year studying and living in sweden and the first year of being here- and discovered how embarassing it seems now to have exposed myself in some rather risky ways to the total strangers who'd read my blog. on the one hand, i suppose i do envy my old self where i'd say whatever that seemed true and cared very little about possible undesirable effects- misunderstanding, giving out bad impression, and the likes. on the other, i feel that these postings were probably products of a less stablized personality as well as the fact that i was still adapting to the in-some-ways-drastically-new-environments in both years.

i know i definitely feel much less nowadays. and whatever that i do feel does not tend to go that deepin me either. i am more capable of handling disturbing feelings while i am also trying to answer bigger questions. i don't necessarily have problems though i might have things to do constantly. and i do have a handful of questions that relate to huge issue in life, such as fear, trust, life-guiding principles, value systems etc.

there seems to be a kind of belief in me that champions flexibility. i sincerely hope that, for whatever reason that is unclear to me, i can be very 'flexible with my desires'. i wish to experience life as much as possible, but i don't want any obsession of anything/anyone on my part. i think obsession has a lot to do with desires. desires certainly spice up life but they should be an art that is put into practice daily, which means that certain distance and flexibility has to be kept there. and this has recently become goal, most likely, i think, for life.