vulnerability

haven't expressed myself in this language for such a long time. suppose this is what comes with dating- however virtual it is- someone who speaks mandarin.

at this point, i feel that i am pretty much fed up with the suffocating process of making conjectures. it's rather unsurprising. lots of time and energy has been wasted on huge amount of guesswork. of course i personally appreciate 'speaking up for your mind' as strategy but when it's long distance and technlogy-mediated, it seems so unavoidable. . . though i really wish to be able to avoid it as much as i can.

so anyway, i have to find a way to deal with this while being able to be vulnerable in front of her. otherwise i suppose it won't work.

intimacy

its perhaps not for me. . .?